Insufferable


On the street:

"I just want to be ..."
          "Dude, look in the mirror!"
                    "And I'm, like, 'Sarah!'"
"the next poet laureate ..."
          "Like the dude you see, dude?"
                    "And he's, like, 'Tarah!'"
"of Barstow, Bakersfield, Blythe, ..."
          "Dude, shit happens!"
                    "And we're, like, 'guys!'"
"anywhere at all."
          "Dude, get used to shit! It happen."
                    "Cool, Carol, cool!"
"I just want to be ..."
          "Dude, don't go there, dude!"
                    "Awesome, Amber, awesome!"
"the next ..."
          "That's not who I am, dude, not who I am!"
                    "Oh my god, Todd, oh my god!"
"poet ..."
          "Not at all the dude I am, dude!"
                    "Yeh yeh yeh yeh yeh, Bev, yeh yeh yeh yeh yeh!"
"laureate ..."
          "Dude, chill!"
                    "Exactly, Lee, exactly!"
"of somewhere."
          "Chill, dude, chill!"
                    "No way, Shay!"

In a cafe:

"Ya hear what I'm sayin', Sohani?"
she asks Sohani for the hundredth time.
"He's got this big 'ol hard thing ..."
Her friend looks conversationally exhauster.
"I jus' wanna man unnerstan' ..."

On the street:

"I want people ..."
          "Dude, get a life!"
                    "And I'm, like, 'Lester!'"
"to stand and stare ..."
          "A life, dude, and one with a pulse!"
                    "And he's, like, ''Loren!"
"and say, ..."
          "Dude, that's sweet!"
                    "Oh my god, Rod, oh my god!"
"'there goes ...'"
          "Sweet, dude, sweet!"
                    "Awesome, Ashley, awesome!"
"'the poet laureate ...'"
          "Dude, go for it!"
                    "That's cool, Carol, cool!"
"'of, of ...'"
          "Go for it, dude, go for it!"
                    "A hunk & a half, Hannah, a hunk & a half!"
"'Gilroy, Gridley, Geyserville, ...'"
          "Dude, hit on that babe!"
                    "To die for, Hillary, to die for!"
"'somewhere, anywhere.'"

In a cafe:

"Ah jus' wanna man unnerstan'
how ah woman feel."
Sohani shouldn't have asked but she did:
"Ya know how he feel?"
"Yeah, he feel like a big horny ape!
He wanna poke me with that thing 'o his
anywhere he can.
Other day, soak it in beer,
put it in my ear!
Then smear butter on it, smile, say,
'Lick little brother clean, honey-bun bee!'"

On the street:

"I just want to be ..."
          "Dude, a life!"
                    "Awesome app, Aaron, awesome app!"

In a cafe:

"Ya know what ah'm sayin', Sohani?"
 
 
By Louis Martin